Heaven Meets Earth

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A few weeks ago a group of missionaries from Ohio were visiting and a few of them happened to be professional photographers.  The photo above is just one of many amazing photos they took of my kids.  Before I go any further I want to send a huge thanks to Adore Wedding Photography for capturing the joy that my kids bring, and all their quirks!

Maybe you have heard the song "How He Loves Us."  If you haven't check out the video below.  One of my favorite lines of the song says "Heaven meets Earth like an unforeseen kiss..."  For me, this photo was just such a moment.  This adorable little man is named Bairon and he has the most heart melting dimples I have ever seen.  What I love most about the photo is that I did absolutely nothing to provoke it.  The missionaries were taking pictures and all of a sudden Bairon came running across the room, jumped into my arms, and laid a big one on my cheek.  The picture captures the moment so perfectly and how full of joy I felt.

I am a small human with a tiny heart.  God is the creator of everything.  He has felt the fullest joy, the deepest sorrow, and everything in between that we only ever feel a shadow of.  Imagine how he feels when we run to him.  Bairon is not even my child, and God calls us his children.  I feel so incredibly blessed to know Bairon, and every single kid that comes to the CDI every day.  They teach me so much about myself, about love, about forgiveness, about heart ache, about victory and defeat, and about pain.  Over the past year I have continually come back to the reality that real, deep, true love requires an unbearable amount of pain.  I am struck by the fact that every day I can choose to love, or I can choose to close myself off in protection.

This past winter I went through a really hard time.  I was done.  I wanted to leave, check out, be done with the pain.  I felt like I just really couldn't do it any more.  My kids stories are too sad, this country is too broken, I am too alone, and what really got me was the lie that nothing I do matters.  I was ready to move back to the US permanently and had my eyes on a comfortable quiet life.  Upon my return to El Salvador in December I really started being totally honest with God and how I felt let down by him and how I needed him to show me what he wants with me.  He reminded me that life is a series of choices.  He gave us free will.  We are never enslaved to a single road.  I believe that God has plans for us, but I also think that we make more wrong choices than right ones and that God blesses us out of pure grace.  By his grace, he reignited my passion for the gospel, he gave, and continues to give, me little moments where I can't imagine anywhere else on the entire planet I would rather be.  Our God is faithful.  He is gentle.  He does not force us into anything.  When we honestly seek him, especially in moments of weakness and despair, he shows up.  I would be lying if I said I am never home sick.  There are days that I talk to my family and I feel a deep pain and loss, but then I remember why I am here and who I am working for, and I trust that God will honor the sacrifice.

In closing, as I have written many times, I will once again choose love.  Despite the pain, loss, fear, and whatever else may come, I will choose love because the creator of love has poured out his love on me in his son's blood.

Standing in awe of my heart's resilience,

Sigourney

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