Last 10%
Any of you reading that have attended New Life's leadership training program: not THAT last 10%. I am talking about the last 10% of my support raising that I have left. It seems crazy that I could be finished really soon and back doing field ministry. It also seems AMAZING!! I am so excited to get back to doing the ministry God called me to and that made me want to go through this whole support raising process in the first place. I go back and forth often feeling really encouraged by the fact that I am so close to finishing, but also fearing that it will drag out and having no idea where it is going to come from. If you could pray that I can have courage and faith to call the people that are hard to call and that I can trust God to provide this last 10% in his perfect timing that would be awesome.
The last few weeks have been a weird mixture of fear, excitement, joy, doubt, mourning and rejoicing. One of the things I said to a friend recently was that either yourself or someone close to you is always in crisis. There is never a time when you do not need cared for or your that you need to be caring for someone else, but that in the midst of crisis, pain, loss we have to seek joy and find satisfaction in the simple victories.
On April 10th the world lost a fabulous strong woman. Keisha Brown, a friend, coach, mom, mentor and example to us all lost her 7 year battle to cancer. When I first heard the news I was shocked. This woman, although riddled with cancer, was such a rock for so many people and had more fight in her than anyone I knew. It seemed impossible that she could succumb to cancer and yet she is gone. As I drove to Mt. Pleasant the Tuesday following her death for the funeral I thought a lot about what she meant to me and the impact she had on me personally. I realized that I feel so incredibly blessed to have known such an amazing woman and the way she cared for me in high school is something I will not forget. The funeral was absolutely beautiful. The final act in Keisha's honor was so fitting. The preacher got up to give the eulogy and spoke of how Keisha lived as though she could not lose. He likened her to the apostle Paul who writes in a letter to the Philippians "to live is Christ and to die is gain." Paul understood that while he was alive as long as he was preaching Christ's love he could not lose. Keisha understood that. She made her life about love. Loving to the point that it hurts, to the point where self preservation is no longer an option. Paul also understood that if he died in the process he could rejoice because he knew his eternal destiny. I believe with all of my being that Keisha is in the presence of the Lord right now and that is why she was such a fearless woman. That is why she was able to bravely get out of bed every morning and not allow the fact that she had cancer defeat her or stop her from loving others. I am so grateful for her life and for the example she was to all of us.
The week following the funeral I was in Mt. Pleasant again for Easter. I realized that Easter is easily becoming one of my favorite holidays. I have always been a Christmas girl, but there are things about Easter that I just love. It was a special treat this year because all of my siblings and nieces and nephews were able to make it home! It was also special because we had such beautiful weather! I had such a wonderful day full of fun and family time playing outside and having a barbeque. One thing that I really love about Easter that is a tradition in my family is flying kites. Ever sense I can remember when we used to go to my grandma's house we have always flown kites. I can remember many years running through the gushy front yard trying to coax my little plastic character into flight. This year was no exception. Although we were at my parents', the ground was mushy, and Minny Mouse definitely needed some coaxing. The entire weekend was a moment to embrace joy and celebrate the fact that I can live freely because Christ defeated death.
Lastly, I want to offer some praise and encouragement. I have recently felt like God is asking me to dig into some pretty ugly stuff from my past and process through it in order to learn and further walk in freedom. It all sounds lovely, ya know the whole learning and growing, but there is a lot of shame surrounding this area and it also seemed terrifying. However, last night I decided to take a step of faith and write down some of the ugliness of my past and see what God was saying to me through it. It was beautiful. Although seeing a lot of my shame on paper wasn't all that fun, I could see how much I have grown in the past few years. I am so much more secure in who I am as a daughter of God than I think I have ever been. That is not to say that I don't have insecurities, but the idea of putting on a face or trying to be someone I am not in order to win someones affection or impress now seems silly. So I want to encourage you to step into the scary places. Even by identifying them they lose some of their power over us. Then by allowing God to step in and show us who we are makes the shame almost laughable. You are loved, beautiful, strong, and worthy of love and affection. God decided that 2000 years ago when he sent Jesus for you. You're worth it.
Standing in awe of God's hand in each moment,
Sigourney
The last few weeks have been a weird mixture of fear, excitement, joy, doubt, mourning and rejoicing. One of the things I said to a friend recently was that either yourself or someone close to you is always in crisis. There is never a time when you do not need cared for or your that you need to be caring for someone else, but that in the midst of crisis, pain, loss we have to seek joy and find satisfaction in the simple victories.
On April 10th the world lost a fabulous strong woman. Keisha Brown, a friend, coach, mom, mentor and example to us all lost her 7 year battle to cancer. When I first heard the news I was shocked. This woman, although riddled with cancer, was such a rock for so many people and had more fight in her than anyone I knew. It seemed impossible that she could succumb to cancer and yet she is gone. As I drove to Mt. Pleasant the Tuesday following her death for the funeral I thought a lot about what she meant to me and the impact she had on me personally. I realized that I feel so incredibly blessed to have known such an amazing woman and the way she cared for me in high school is something I will not forget. The funeral was absolutely beautiful. The final act in Keisha's honor was so fitting. The preacher got up to give the eulogy and spoke of how Keisha lived as though she could not lose. He likened her to the apostle Paul who writes in a letter to the Philippians "to live is Christ and to die is gain." Paul understood that while he was alive as long as he was preaching Christ's love he could not lose. Keisha understood that. She made her life about love. Loving to the point that it hurts, to the point where self preservation is no longer an option. Paul also understood that if he died in the process he could rejoice because he knew his eternal destiny. I believe with all of my being that Keisha is in the presence of the Lord right now and that is why she was such a fearless woman. That is why she was able to bravely get out of bed every morning and not allow the fact that she had cancer defeat her or stop her from loving others. I am so grateful for her life and for the example she was to all of us.
The week following the funeral I was in Mt. Pleasant again for Easter. I realized that Easter is easily becoming one of my favorite holidays. I have always been a Christmas girl, but there are things about Easter that I just love. It was a special treat this year because all of my siblings and nieces and nephews were able to make it home! It was also special because we had such beautiful weather! I had such a wonderful day full of fun and family time playing outside and having a barbeque. One thing that I really love about Easter that is a tradition in my family is flying kites. Ever sense I can remember when we used to go to my grandma's house we have always flown kites. I can remember many years running through the gushy front yard trying to coax my little plastic character into flight. This year was no exception. Although we were at my parents', the ground was mushy, and Minny Mouse definitely needed some coaxing. The entire weekend was a moment to embrace joy and celebrate the fact that I can live freely because Christ defeated death.
Lastly, I want to offer some praise and encouragement. I have recently felt like God is asking me to dig into some pretty ugly stuff from my past and process through it in order to learn and further walk in freedom. It all sounds lovely, ya know the whole learning and growing, but there is a lot of shame surrounding this area and it also seemed terrifying. However, last night I decided to take a step of faith and write down some of the ugliness of my past and see what God was saying to me through it. It was beautiful. Although seeing a lot of my shame on paper wasn't all that fun, I could see how much I have grown in the past few years. I am so much more secure in who I am as a daughter of God than I think I have ever been. That is not to say that I don't have insecurities, but the idea of putting on a face or trying to be someone I am not in order to win someones affection or impress now seems silly. So I want to encourage you to step into the scary places. Even by identifying them they lose some of their power over us. Then by allowing God to step in and show us who we are makes the shame almost laughable. You are loved, beautiful, strong, and worthy of love and affection. God decided that 2000 years ago when he sent Jesus for you. You're worth it.
Standing in awe of God's hand in each moment,
Sigourney
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