Standing in Awe

A few weeks ago a group of missionaries from Ohio were visiting and a few of them happened to be professional photographers.  The photo above is just one of many amazing photos they took of my kids.  Before I go any further I want to send a huge thanks to Adore Wedding Photography for capturing the joy that my kids bring, and all their quirks! Maybe you have heard the song "How He Loves Us."  If you haven't check out the video below.  One of my favorite lines of the song says "Heaven meets Earth like an unforeseen kiss..."  For me, this photo was just such a moment.  This adorable little man is named Bairon and he has the most heart melting dimples I have ever seen.  What I love most about the photo is that I did absolutely nothing to provoke it.  The missionaries were taking pictures and all of a sudden Bairon came running across the room, jumped into my arms, and laid a big one on my cheek.  The picture captures the moment so perfect...

A lot of crappy things here happen on a daily basis, but recently a few things in particular have happened that I feel I simply can't remain silent about.  What sparked my desire to write this post happened about a week ago.  I think it was a Saturday and I got home to hear my host family talking about something they saw at the beach earlier that day.  I wasn't paying attention at first, but then I put the pieces together, and there were five people who got pulled out to sea with nothing but an inflatable and the sun was going down.  Ok so maybe the fact that there are strong rip tides here this shouldn't surprise me so much, but what really disturbed me was that everyone just assumed that they all drowned and no one seemed surprised.  Furthermore, they were saying that the people were foolish and should have known better. I don't know about you, but I am not a great swimmer.  Also, when you get pulled out you are suppose to swim parallel to shore not pe...

At the start of a new year it is only natural to be reflective and also hopeful.  I wanted to start my year focusing on God and being open and honest with him so I sat down with my journal and my coffee and began to think.  Looking back on 2015 I see it in two parts: the first seven months full of joy and contentment, and the last five full of questions.  Regardless I am grateful for many things. Looking Back This is my beautiful niece Ginevra.  She is most definitely one of the biggest blessings of 2015 for me.  I had the opportunity to live with my brother and sister-in-law throughout the pregnancy and it is such a joy to see how she has really filled a Ginny shaped hole in their lives. In November I had the opportunity to go to my first baptism service here in El Salvador.  It was amazing and so powerful to see so many people take a step of faith and publicly declare that they are followers of Christ.  It always gives me goose bumps an...

There is a unique type of anxiety that accompanies buying a plane ticket five days before the flight. Every time I go to El Salvador it is always a build up to actually make that final click that purchases my flight. There's something so final about it. I am not a person for schedules and long term plans and always struggle with thoughts like, "...but what if I change my mind or want to do something different?"  However, when the final document I've been waiting for came I knew it was time. I made the final click, and Monday is the day that I will be leaving this life for a year (unless God changes his mind). It's funny because for the first few weeks I was back I longed to be back in El Salvador, but now that I've been here for a while I'm not as eager to leave. I am writing this post from an adorable little coffee shop just down from the yoga studio my sister and I like to go to in Erie, Pennsylvania. I have spent at least two weeks of my time back ...

If you search Pinterest or even google travel sayings you will find a myriad of one liners trying to explain what a person experiences when one travels. I would simply like to say that traveling changes you. In being back in the U.S. And in mostly familiar places (Eight Point Lake, Mt. Pleasant, Ann Arbor) it's funny how almost nothing has changed, but everything is different. Or more accurately, I am different. I can't explain it, and I frankly don't want to try, but I do want to share what has been on my heart and how God is changing me in it. In the last year I have talked a lot about love. How incredibly huge God's love is for each of us. With that, however, we must also experience loss and pain deeper than we can imagine. This week I am reconnecting with the staff team of New Life Church and we went to see the new movie "Inside Out." I was brought to tears watching the interplay between sadness and joy and how essential each is for the other to f...

This post is nothing profound, I simply felt that a one line prayer request could not sufficiently explain what is in my head and on my heart. My kids - as my departure is rapidly approaching I don't want them to feel surprised or abandoned.  I have begun to warn them that I will be leaving, but it is almost impossible to endure their looks of sadness.  I love them so much, and as much as I don't want them to be attached to me, I am so attached to them.  I tear up every time I think about the fact that my impending reality is life without them.  I can't even. Going back to the US - Undoubtedly I have been thinking a lot about how soon I am leaving.  As I have expressed to a lot of my family, life in the US now seems like a distant dream to me.  I fear that I will not know what to do with myself.  At the same time, I miss my family like crazy and can't wait to see them.  I just want to hangout with my mom, and go for runs with my sister, and m...

It is amazing how God can and does use everything and anything to teach us.  Some of the deepest lies I wrestle with have to do with my self worth and if God chooses to love me or just does it because His word says that he does.  As you know I spend most of my days with about 35 kids.  Like any kid each of them has their good days and their bad days, but I love each of them so dearly even on the worst days.  It recently occurred to me that I think I always believed that there is a limit to a person's capacity to love.  Like there is only so much love that can flow out of a person and eventually it becomes diluted as they try and love more people.  It's like saying that my parents only love me one fourth as much as they loved my brother when he was born because I am the fourth born and so their love has become divided amongst the four of us.  I couldn't be more wrong.  As I get to know each of my kids here more and more, spend more time with the...