Standing in Awe

Here in El Salvador we celebrate independence September 15th.  All month you can see flags hung out and on car antennas, and little girls with blue and white ribbons tied in their hair boasting the colors of the flag.  The week of the 15th there are multiple parades with each school marching, the bands playing, and many cultural displays.  It's something that I love to go and watch and take photos of my students and kids from the CDI.  However, this year as I was watching the parade I was suddenly struck by how deeply ingrained in human nature it is to seek out, and celebrate independence.  I started asking myself why, and what God had to say about that. When we think about being independent it is something, at least in American culture, that is encouraged and with time a sign of success.  I can hear my own father saying, "it is my job to give you roots and wings so you always know where you came from, but you have the ability to fly away when it is time...

Have you seen the movie Yes Man with Jim Carrey?  I happen to really like it and think there is a lot of truth in it.  In American culture I think it is really normal to say no and miss out on a lot of opportunities.  However, today I want to talk about no, not yes. As a Christian I am called to serve.  I am given Jesus as an example of how I am called to do that and to what extent.  Jesus was a man who was always willing to serve and meet the needs of the people.  We have many stories of him feeding crowds (Luke 9:10-17), being surrounded by multitudes of people all bidding for his attention and never turning one of them away.  But we also read stories of him setting aside time to be by himself to meditate and pray alone (Matthew 26). I consider myself an extrovert with introverted tendencies (ENFP for all of you now wondering about my Myers Briggs).  I love talking.  Ask anyone in my family, I LOVE talking.  That being said, I qu...

What do you declare on a daily basis?  Ok lets maybe back up.  "Declare" sounds formal and weird to use in ordinary language today, but it literally means to say something.  So let me ask you again, what do you declare? It's hot.  I'm so sweaty.  I am sick of my clothes and want new ones.  I wish I had a car.  I am so bored.  My students are so frustrating.  The kids are so badly behaved. These are just a few of the declarations I make on a VERY regular basis. I have recently started the habit of copying scripture as a form of meditation.  I usually look for a list on Pinterest for ease, and this month it happens to be focusing on strength.  Let me show you why I have been thinking about declarations lately: And you will say in that day:  “Give thanks to the Lord, call upon his name, make known his deeds  among the peoples, proclaim that his name is exalted.  “Sing praises to the Lord, for he has done glori...

If any of you are my friend on Facebook you may have seen me post a status the same as the title of this blog some time ago.  I think it is a simple concept, but maybe we don't treat it so simply.  How many millions of dollars are made off self help books, conferences, and who knows what else, all promising to lead you to your best self, happiest self, you most __________ self (fill in the blank)?  I don't believe that searching for happiness is a bad thing, but it depends where you look. As a Christian on the campus of the University of Michigan, I was often looked at strangely when I declined invitations to frat parties.  Why wouldn't I want to go?  Get drunk, dance, forget the world for a while for a few minutes of euphoria.  What could be more fun?  Waking up the next day, no memory, a headache, and next to who knows who...not my idea of happiness.  Yet every fall millions of students rush off to their campuses in search of happiness in the...

Hello!  I know it has been FOREVER since I last posted.  This is a perfect example of why I decided not to study art.  I don't do deadlines.  When creativity strikes I run with it, but when it doesn't I simply don't have the ability to create anything.  However, the occasion calls for a post!  January 14th marked  two years  since I took not jus literal, but figurative steps to give my life to serve Christ when I stepped aboard that plane with just one bag and decided to move to El Salvador.  Crazy right??  There are literally probably a million stories I could tell to recount the last two years, but I think I'd rather take time to just praise God for who he is and what he has done.  So, without further ado here are some of my favorite things of the last two years. Two CDIs What does that mean?  That means twice the number of kids to love, twice the number of hugs I get each day, twice the number of times I have to correct ...

It seems that currently all roads are leading to silence and solitude.  I live in a location where there are various roosters that crow most of the day and night, dogs in the street that bark at all hours of the night, a bakery out my window with an oven timer that starts around 4:30am, a bus stop out front, and a restaurant downstairs that comes with its own din.  Silence isn't really part of my daily life.  I go to work and have between 20-30 children running around and then go home to the same din of living downtown.  Don't get me wrong, I love having things close, I love the roosters, but I am finding myself more and more craving the silence. Last weekend a friend of mine, who is from a small town up the mountain, invited me to go cut sweet corn with her.  I leapt at the chance.  We got on the second bus of the morning and made the 40 minute journey mostly in silence, enjoying the beauty of the mountain and the view of the ocean behind us and we trav...

I am hoping by this time you are somewhat informed about the immigrant crisis in the US, or shall we call it the emigrant crisis in Central America?  I would like to start off this post by saying that I am not here to write a political opinion, try to sway you, or really weigh in at all.  I simply would like to share a topic that has been on my heart. I have lost count of how many friends, acquaintances, and kids I have lost in the last year.  Not dead, but gone to "el norte."  All in different circumstances, but all looking for the same thing: something better.  Two of my best friends here, a young married couple who I used to frequently go out on the town with, realized that as they think about starting a family, the danger and poor education system here are not things they are willing to subject a potential child to and so, they left.  Just a couple months ago the little brother and mother of a good friend also left, leaving two other sons behind...

I don't know how you react to that statement, but it applies to each and every one of us. A few months back I had an experience where I had to do something I knew was the right thing, but it meant hurting someone I deeply care for. It sucked. However, I had a moment where I had to swallow the truth that it indeed was my fault that this person that I care about was hurting. Taking steps to follow God is often not easy. It also meant denying myself a relationship with that person and believing God to fill the void. We have the power to directly influence people's lives for good or bad. I often would like to think that I don't frequently hurt others. I am the type of person that would rather take on all the pain so that others don't have to experience it, but this situation basically slapped me in the face with the reality that I am indeed part of the system of hurt.  It is ironic in a way; I can remember when said person and I first started hanging out and we talked ...

A few weeks ago a group of missionaries from Ohio were visiting and a few of them happened to be professional photographers.  The photo above is just one of many amazing photos they took of my kids.  Before I go any further I want to send a huge thanks to Adore Wedding Photography for capturing the joy that my kids bring, and all their quirks! Maybe you have heard the song "How He Loves Us."  If you haven't check out the video below.  One of my favorite lines of the song says "Heaven meets Earth like an unforeseen kiss..."  For me, this photo was just such a moment.  This adorable little man is named Bairon and he has the most heart melting dimples I have ever seen.  What I love most about the photo is that I did absolutely nothing to provoke it.  The missionaries were taking pictures and all of a sudden Bairon came running across the room, jumped into my arms, and laid a big one on my cheek.  The picture captures the moment so perfect...

A lot of crappy things here happen on a daily basis, but recently a few things in particular have happened that I feel I simply can't remain silent about.  What sparked my desire to write this post happened about a week ago.  I think it was a Saturday and I got home to hear my host family talking about something they saw at the beach earlier that day.  I wasn't paying attention at first, but then I put the pieces together, and there were five people who got pulled out to sea with nothing but an inflatable and the sun was going down.  Ok so maybe the fact that there are strong rip tides here this shouldn't surprise me so much, but what really disturbed me was that everyone just assumed that they all drowned and no one seemed surprised.  Furthermore, they were saying that the people were foolish and should have known better. I don't know about you, but I am not a great swimmer.  Also, when you get pulled out you are suppose to swim parallel to shore not pe...

At the start of a new year it is only natural to be reflective and also hopeful.  I wanted to start my year focusing on God and being open and honest with him so I sat down with my journal and my coffee and began to think.  Looking back on 2015 I see it in two parts: the first seven months full of joy and contentment, and the last five full of questions.  Regardless I am grateful for many things. Looking Back This is my beautiful niece Ginevra.  She is most definitely one of the biggest blessings of 2015 for me.  I had the opportunity to live with my brother and sister-in-law throughout the pregnancy and it is such a joy to see how she has really filled a Ginny shaped hole in their lives. In November I had the opportunity to go to my first baptism service here in El Salvador.  It was amazing and so powerful to see so many people take a step of faith and publicly declare that they are followers of Christ.  It always gives me goose bumps an...

There is a unique type of anxiety that accompanies buying a plane ticket five days before the flight. Every time I go to El Salvador it is always a build up to actually make that final click that purchases my flight. There's something so final about it. I am not a person for schedules and long term plans and always struggle with thoughts like, "...but what if I change my mind or want to do something different?"  However, when the final document I've been waiting for came I knew it was time. I made the final click, and Monday is the day that I will be leaving this life for a year (unless God changes his mind). It's funny because for the first few weeks I was back I longed to be back in El Salvador, but now that I've been here for a while I'm not as eager to leave. I am writing this post from an adorable little coffee shop just down from the yoga studio my sister and I like to go to in Erie, Pennsylvania. I have spent at least two weeks of my time back ...

If you search Pinterest or even google travel sayings you will find a myriad of one liners trying to explain what a person experiences when one travels. I would simply like to say that traveling changes you. In being back in the U.S. And in mostly familiar places (Eight Point Lake, Mt. Pleasant, Ann Arbor) it's funny how almost nothing has changed, but everything is different. Or more accurately, I am different. I can't explain it, and I frankly don't want to try, but I do want to share what has been on my heart and how God is changing me in it. In the last year I have talked a lot about love. How incredibly huge God's love is for each of us. With that, however, we must also experience loss and pain deeper than we can imagine. This week I am reconnecting with the staff team of New Life Church and we went to see the new movie "Inside Out." I was brought to tears watching the interplay between sadness and joy and how essential each is for the other to f...

This post is nothing profound, I simply felt that a one line prayer request could not sufficiently explain what is in my head and on my heart. My kids - as my departure is rapidly approaching I don't want them to feel surprised or abandoned.  I have begun to warn them that I will be leaving, but it is almost impossible to endure their looks of sadness.  I love them so much, and as much as I don't want them to be attached to me, I am so attached to them.  I tear up every time I think about the fact that my impending reality is life without them.  I can't even. Going back to the US - Undoubtedly I have been thinking a lot about how soon I am leaving.  As I have expressed to a lot of my family, life in the US now seems like a distant dream to me.  I fear that I will not know what to do with myself.  At the same time, I miss my family like crazy and can't wait to see them.  I just want to hangout with my mom, and go for runs with my sister, and m...

It is amazing how God can and does use everything and anything to teach us.  Some of the deepest lies I wrestle with have to do with my self worth and if God chooses to love me or just does it because His word says that he does.  As you know I spend most of my days with about 35 kids.  Like any kid each of them has their good days and their bad days, but I love each of them so dearly even on the worst days.  It recently occurred to me that I think I always believed that there is a limit to a person's capacity to love.  Like there is only so much love that can flow out of a person and eventually it becomes diluted as they try and love more people.  It's like saying that my parents only love me one fourth as much as they loved my brother when he was born because I am the fourth born and so their love has become divided amongst the four of us.  I couldn't be more wrong.  As I get to know each of my kids here more and more, spend more time with the...

Get ready for a multimedia post!  I have so many wonderful things to share with you.  This first: It helps, now and then, to step back and take a long view. The kingdom is not only beyond our efforts, it is even beyond our vision. We accomplish in our lifetime only a tiny fraction of the magnificent enterprise that is God's work. Nothing we do is complete, which is a way of saying that the Kingdom always lies beyond us. No statement says all that could be said. No prayer fully expresses our faith. No confession brings perfection. No pastoral visit brings wholeness. No program accomplishes the Church's mission. No set of goals and objectives includes everything. This is what we are about. We plant the seeds that one day will grow. We water seeds already planted, knowing that they hold future promise. We lay foundations that will need further development. We provide yeast that produces far beyond our capabilities. We cannot do everything, and there is a sense of libe...

So I can't remember if I mentioned this, but I went to Honduras last week!  If you are familiar with the Ignite conference, we went for something very similar.  It was a conference for all of the Great Commission Latin America (GCLA) churches in San Pedro Sula, Honduras.  The 30 or so of us, including families as well as youth from the church, started the trip off at 5:30am by loading up into a small bus and headed for the boarder.  There are some things about the US I miss and other things here that make me realize how ridiculous our culture is sometimes.  Example: In Honduras they use different currency and you get about 21 to the dollar.  Now you're probably thinking that we would have to go to a currency exchange and get a receipt and all the formalities, but no, conveniently there are men hanging out outside the immigration office with HUGE wads of cash offering currency exchange.  It seems sketchy, and yet I appreciated it.  Simple, strait ...

I heard from my mom today that people have been requesting more photos so here I am basically just going to put photos of a lot of the things I talked about in yesterday's post.  Enjoy! Sunrise Cooking With my kids. The pier and fishing market.

So I promise I will get back to my studies of the promises of God, but today was so uneventfully wonderful that I feel the need to tell you about it. Just like any other normal day I woke up to the birds chirping, the dogs barking, the neighbor girl crying, and cool air biting my toes.  One of my favorite parts of the day is heading downstairs bright and early to make my cup of coffee and return to the fresh air in my room to read and watch the sunrise all while savoring the first cup of coffee of the day.  As the rest of the inhabitants of the house begin to stir we quickly have breakfast and head down the mountain to start another day.  We first go into town to drop off Marielos at the market and the sound of buses and bells signaling fresh baked bread always brings a smile to my face.  Downtown is crawling with people coming into town with goods to sell and heading out of town to work as well as many locals stopping to have a cup of coffee with a friend.  ...